[ what adam needs is something tadashi sees even more clearly than the man himself. but then again, it's not a surprise -- ainosuke has fought to survive, to exist and live on his own, underneath the thumb of his aunts and the family name. tadashi still remembers the scars on his forearms, the way ainosukes hides tears, how he has grown into a twisted version of himself, desperate to believe that what they've done to him is love.
it still makes him sick, and the memory of it twists in tadashi's gut as he feels ainosuk's uncertainty, grappling with the different versions of love he presented to him. but tadashi's heart is irrevocably his; it has been his the moment tadashi spotted the young boy peeking over the hedge at him. he feels the roughness of that tuck, the aching pain in his scalp, but he knows that ainosuke's is only operating on what he knows.
there's a storm that roars in the sea of his gaze, but tadashi is the harbour that he will return to, his own calm reflected in the depths of his eyes, and he parts his mouth to kiss him back with a low, approving moan, telegraphing his intent, his need for him in turn. tadashi needs him like a drowning man needs air, and as ainosuke's own defenses fail, tadashi wastes no time flooding his senses, filling his helplessness with his strength, his own passion.
he offers his own heart up in sacrifice but he takes ainosuke's, too, coiling around his heart and squeezing. his hands move now, span down over the muscles of his chest, his abs, down and down to push the rest of his costume off him. he licks into his mouth fiercely, firmly claiming his mouth for another kiss, another, another, pushing the costume down to his thighs.
he's pushing him back onto the carpet, intent on getting the last of that outfit off of him, his hands possessive, roaming, breaking the kiss only to press heated ones down his neck, over his collarbone. he moves above him, caging him down with his own limbs. ]
I need you, Ainosuke-sama. [ he breathes, raw and fierce, finally allowing himself his own agency. they are laying foundations anew, stretching across the ruins of what they were, and tadashi knows it's now or never. he will take his master's bleeding heart inside of his own and tend it. his free hand slips between his legs now, palming his balls, thumbing up the thick root of his cock to reacquaint himself with him. then, again, because he needs to hear it, because tadashi wants to push the memory of his aunts' words out of ainosuke's mind, little by little. after all, serpents are territorial creatures. ] I love you.
[ The pleasure floods Ainosuke along with Tadashi's words, his quiet I love yous; so far and away from the pain Ainosuke has always associated with them. It leaves a sharp sting of cognitive dissonance in its wake, reality crashing hard against the fantasy the Shindos have constructed. Wasn't it like this the first time around, too? Back before all the hurt between them, hadn't Tadashi assaulted him with pleasure and soft affections, uprooted everything Ainosuke believed about love?
Ainosuke can't help noticing -- for what must be the millionth time -- how utterly, perfectly matched they are. To Ainosuke, love had always been a rose; vanity on the surface and barbs beneath. But Tadashi showed him a gentle love, razed the roses and left his soft chrysanthemums blooming in their stead. And for his own part, Ainosuke has never known exactly how to rectify the two, how to tend something delicate when he only knew pain; Tadashi abandoned him before he ever truly learned how.
And now here they are again, and Ainosuke's faced with the realization that he never idealized anything about their time together. Nothing rose-colored, nothing misremembered. Tadashi's touch is every bit as arresting now as it had been then, pulling Ainosuke apart with every kiss, pushing fire through his veins with each shift of his hands. ]
I love you. [ Ainosuke breathes. ] I love you, Tadashi. I've always...
[ It's like a cage beneath Tadashi, bracketed by his limbs; trapped, and yet exactly where Ainosuke wants to be. It doesn't stop his hands from wandering, intent to lose themselves, slipping beneath Tadashi's shirt to spread over the his back. Even touching him is like electric, a rush straight from his fingertips to the aching hardness in Tadashi's grasp, and--
Ainosuke needs more of it. More skin. He shoves Tadashi back just enough to start peeling him bare; jacket first, shirt next, making such a quick and efficient disposal of Tadashi's clothing. He's working his way through the zipper of Tadashi's pants before he speaks again: ]
Off. Off.
[ It's the best he can manage for a demand -- an order -- through the desperate crush of his lips to Tadashi's temple, his cheek, his jaw; over and over, wherever he can reach. ]
[ here they are again, and ainosuke is a revelation, his confession breathtaking all in itself -- and tadashi could have kicked himself for it as it all falls into place, the pieces that were scattered when tadashi chose silence and turned away from ainosuke, a necessary sacrifice if only to be by his side, loathed and hated.
ainosuke has always loved him, and the truth of it makes him pause, looking up to see if it's true, to search his gaze for confirmation, that he has always loved him, that even through that well-deserved spite and anger, he --
-- his breath catches, and tadashi lets go of him only to make quick work of his jacket, shirt, pants, helping him with it and kicking the rest off, craving to feel his skin against his all over again. this time, he thinks, this time it's different, this encounter charged not with anger and rage but desperation and passion, vulnerability threaded in every movement.
he tosses the last article of his clothing aside with a low groan and cups his face to connect with his lips in a proper kiss, unable to keep a soft noise of heartache, of wonder, of painful, wonderful longing. he's leaning into his touch, and when he breaks the kiss, his hands smooth down the solid length of his body, memorising him for himself all over again.
ainosuke is lovely, charged like a livewire underneath him, and so rarely is tadashi allowed to touch him that he gluts on it, memorising every inch of him anew. he bites gently, tasting him, giving in to everything that the younger man seeks from him. here it is now, the pleasure rediscovered, and he breaks the kiss to trail hungry lips down his neck, his collarbone, his chest, right over his heart. ]
I've missed you. [ he murmurs, low and quiet, fingers rubbing over the divot of his hipbones, possessive and soothing in equal measure. it's bold, the words that he's put between them, but he has, and his kisses betray his longing. he will show him what love is, all over again. he will make his body remember just what it really is, his hands coming to part his thighs firmly, thumbing over the sensitive inside of them as he savours everything that ainosuke is willing to give to him. ] Let me remind you --
[ So much has changed since they were last like this together, and yet there's so much familiarity left between them. Ainosuke's body is different -- heavily muscled and broad planed -- but it responds to Tadashi's touch just the same, all shivers and a pleading moan. His eyes are heavier, but they still spark to fixation when they meet Tadashi's gaze, and beckon him on with with a hungry leer. And his lips are more desperate, more demanding for every taste they steal from Tadashi, despite the same sharp bite behind them.
But Tadashi? He's also different, and nothing could have prepared Ainosuke for that realization. With his clothing gone, Ainosuke can appreciate it fully, and Tadashi's body holds him rapt. Where did this come from? Where was he hiding it? He's like a masterpiece chiseled from marble, and Ainosuke's been given leave to touch, to revere, to defile. And he does; his hands are greedy, tracing the sharp cuts of his abs, the softer stretch of his pecs, grasping softly at the rise in his shoulders, and God help him, Ainosuke finally -- fully and truly -- knows madness. He wants to tear Tadashi apart piece by piece, devour him whole, consume his heart and his soul and his love, and carry him forever within. Perhaps Tadashi does too.
They are, after all, ravenous; so much as to trap them on the floor, tangled up on the carpet at the foot of the bed. Tadashi is slipping away from him, down, and Ainosuke can't manage more than to sink a hand through his hair. He could lose himself in this. In the softness of Tadashi's hair, in the gentle push between his legs. Ainosuke's thighs spread eagerly at Tadashi's insistence, welcoming him between, even through a silent plea in Ainosuke's eyes. He wants more; more touch, more kisses, more and more until he drowns in Tadashi and floats away with him together.
And still, there's that instinct; to either flinch away or to lash out. Ainosuke resists it so valiantly, even when he can see it so clearly in his mind. How can this truly be love? How can Tadashi breathe his I love yous without delivering a blow in its wake? How can Ainosuke claim to love him in kind, absent the agony? How can he reconcile one without the other? ]
Show me. [ Ainosuke whispers, and his fingers curl tight into Tadashi's hair. ] Remind me. I want you.
[ they should get to the bed to do this, tadashi knows, but every shred of good sense has flown out the window in the wake of ainosuke's greedy permission, the matching ravenous nature of ainosuke's desire. it's like the floodgates have opened after years of being banished to the scorching desert. parched of ainosuke's favour and love, tadashi has only sought to survive and exist by his side, never allowing himself to want more.
after all, it is tadashi that had turned away first, putting up the wall between them that ainosuke had kept up out of spite and betrayal and hurt and pain, crumbling in places as the years wore on.
and now, here, this permission is as invigorating as it is intoxicating, as is the way ainosuke opens up to him now, those gorgeous crimson red eyes burning for him. tadashi shares the same madness, the burning, scorching fever of desire that makes him press his mouth to the inside of his thigh, to kiss and lick and gently nip and worship. he doesn't miss how his beloved master opens up so eagerly to him, a veritable feast for the taking.
so take he does, committing every precious inch of him to memory anew -- the last time they had done this was a lifetime ago, and he can't help the thudding of his heart as he nuzzles his cheek against the bob of his long, thick cock, massive when jutting proudly between firmly muscled thighs. he makes his way down, down, nosing against the softness of his plump, full sac, before pressing his tongue to the patch of skin underneath. ainosuke is so very beautiful in this light, magnificent and willing and no longer the young man once tangled in him. he smells like clean musk and light sweat, so very much like him that tadashi finds himself burning for him, relishing those fingers in his hair while he licks his own and seeks him out, a single finger pressing between both those firm cheeks to trace a circle around the tight ring of his hole, gently teasing.
of course, tadashi wastes no time in sealing his intent, his love and adoration on every inch of him. watch now, darling, as tadashi proves that love doesn't come with violence or pain, and all there is is tenderness and affection, bright and unrelenting in deep green eyes. he keeps ainosuke's cock pinned against his lower abdomen, his soft lips taking his balls into his mouth, laving and licking shamelessly, a single saliva-slick finger teasing into his entrance at the same time. he finally gets to do what he's long yearned to do, reclaiming what has been his all along. ainosuke's confession still rings in his ears, making him giddy, but now, first, he wants to please him and make him come, make him understand just how much he's loved.
they've lost so much time, tadashi won't allow him to waste a minute more. ]
[ Ainosuke feels so much; wants so much. It's been a slow eternity since he's been permitted either. Tadashi's touch is absolute luxury, and Ainosuke swears it's turning his body to gold. It's all there each time Ainosuke closes his eyes, precious gems blooming across his skin like petals beneath Tadashi's fingers. He could make Ainosuke priceless like this; completely spoil him for anyone else, unattainable for those destitute of the fortune behind Tadashi's lips and the wealth of his hot, plying tongue.
There's a touch of madness to Ainosuke already. He can feel it in the way his thighs shake on either side of Tadashi's head, and god that's right-- Ainosuke remembers now. Obscene, the way Tadashi welcomes -- or, perhaps demands -- Ainosuke's balls in his mouth; profane, how Tadashi's already invaded his body with a single digit. And licentious, how it feels as if they've simply picked back up where they left off, and Ainosuke is lost already in his own notions of impropriety. The hand in Tadashi's hair tightens, smoothes, then tightens again, as if it can't decide between violence and decadence.
Tadashi will stay like this, with Ainosuke, for all time. Ainosuke will make sure of it. He'll trap Tadashi inside this gilded cage with him, and even if they never truly know freedom, at least they'll be chained eternally to each other.
Tadashi, Tadashi... A soft hymnal of moans, Ainosuke's voice deep and thick with lust, practically singing Tadashi's name. His lips are suddenly so loose, and his praise so liberal: ]
More, Tadashi... My love, my life, my Tadashi. Give me more...
[ tadashi's attentions are penance, worship, a bold adoration of him in every stroke, every kiss. ainosuke writhes and claws at him so sweetly that tadashi, too, shares in his madness, in the obscene wonder of his love. ainosuke is priceless, is everything that he has ever wanted all of his life, and he can almost taste his master's indecision, his ainosuke's passion and wonder.
here they are, crossing every imaginable line possible, drawing together like they have before, as if the years between them are inconsequential. and perhaps they are, especially when tadashi already knows every inch of his body so intimately. he explores him anew, delighted when he hears his throaty purr for more -- goodness, how it sends him spiraling, how ainosuke's pleasure is his own, how he adores him to no end, that he draws out of him and gently coaxes him onto his hands and knees. ]
I will, I promise.
[ he murmurs, gently trying to coax him over and giving him space. how his words ring so sweetly in his ears; my love, my life, my tadashi. how tadashi would die for him a hundred thousand times over, if only to be with him just like this. he will gladly be twined in a gilded cage with him, chained to his beloved, his sun and stars.
he wants to make ainosuke sing just like this, every single time. ]
Hands and knees, Ainosuke-sama. [ he's more aggressive now, urging him on. he's hungry for him, and he won't be denied. ] Let me give you everything you need.
[ Hands and knees, Tadashi demands, and Ainosuke feels some compulsion to argue. Not like that, not where he can't see Tadashi. The softness of youth has melted away from Tadashi's face, and the span of years has made Ainosuke hungry. He wants to see Tadashi as he is now, to memorize what this face looks like all screwed up in agonized bliss, to savor some hint of emotion -- finally -- behind the verdant numb of his eyes.
But in the end, there's no argument. Ainosuke's driven by something beyond himself, some desperate need to keep Tadashi close -- closer -- to take him inside. To consume him physically, metaphorically, any way he can, and by any means. Ainosuke thought he was past this, above this; untouchable, unshakeable. And now Tadashi's touching him, shaking him, dragging out a starving creature that Ainosuke left to die long ago, and all Ainosuke wants is more.
Under Tadashi's insistence, Ainosuke shifts, turns, and immediately presses himself up against Tadashi. It brings Ainosuke's back to Tadashi's chest, and a subtle tilt of his hips forces Tadashi's cock between the warm cleft of his ass, brushes the most maddening friction against Ainosuke's waiting hole. It begs a quiet whine, and Ainosuke reaches over his shoulder to hook a hand behind Tadashi's neck; holds him close enough that Ainosuke can tip his head back to catch Tadashi's earlobe with his teeth, and pant breathless pleas against his throat. ]
[ tadashi's words are choked when he feels the other man so cheekily, wonderfully tuck his cock between those firm, soft asscheeks. he's unable to bite back a soft moan before he grips his hip to keep him in place, pre-cum on the plump tip of his cock smearing over soft, smooth skin. he will wreck him tonight, take him apart and build him back again so that ainosuke will forever be marked by tadashi's kisses and touches, the shape of him buried deep inside of his tight, tight hole.
he feels raw, fierce, his heart pounding with every plea from those sugar-sweet lips. he captures his mouth then, passionate and searing, before he pulls away to spit onto his hand, letting it slide down to grip ainosuke's cock tight, stroking him from root to tip. he fucks him slow, snug between his thighs to rub up against his balls. ]
Come for me first. I need to get your tight little hole ready.
[ There's a pained longing in the tenor of Ainosuke's moan. Tadashi's touch, the hand tight and slick around Ainosuke's cock, is searing. It strikes him hard, a tremble in his stomach that shakes the rest of his body in kind, and every stroke pulls him tighter, higher, dizzying. The pleasure of it melts him molten, has him falling back in hard twists and sensuous writhes against Tadashi's chest, gripping at the back of his neck to keep them trapped together, close, god.
But then his fingers shift, tremble, push up the side of Tadashi's neck and sink into his hair. And in the softness he finds there, he remembers more. Their first-- It was in the garden, tangled together just like this. Night fallen, in an alcove of rose bushes, in the cradle of Tadashi's arms, lips and breath hot on Ainosuke's shoulder, Tadashi's hands beneath his shirt and between his legs. Hadn't they been watching the stars? The Leonids, wasn't it? Then honeyed words, and plush kisses, and heat, heat, heat, burning away all the doubt and the shame, turning their repression to ash, and--
Ainosuke's eyes fly wide when it hits, his cries fill the room, a wounded mantra of Tadashi's name. He doesn't know when his free hand found Tadashi's wrist, but he grips it tight, a ballast to steady him through each paralyzing wave of his pleasure. He shudders through the thick, heavy spill of cum, over his chest and Tadashi's hand, and it's like finding paradise. Like coming home to Eden, finally theirs again, only in Tadashi's arms.
He also doesn't know when he started crying. But he's blinking back tears when he collapses against Tadashi, suddenly bereft every ounce of tension. ]
Our first was like that. [ Ainosuke whispers, breathless, and smoothes his fingers over Tadashi's hair. ] In the roses, Tadashi. Just like that. Do you remember?
[ tadashi responds, low and husky and weighted with love, with adoration. this is special, between them -- the feeling of ainosuke coming into his hand, the sudden tension that slips away so sweetly, ainosuke clinging to him like he had that fateful night, when tadashi had given all of his heart and soul to him. they were teens, then, in love and terrified and exhilarated, making love to each other amongst the intoxicating scent of blooming roses.
he presses soft kisses against the side of his neck, encouraging him, crooning soft, barely audible words of praise as he slicks his fingers up with his cum, scooping more up to slide over his own cock. it's filthy and intimate, using ainosuke's cum as lube after such a long, long while, preparing to fuck him with just it.
but it is a reunion that has been long in coming, and he gently nips at his throat before he pushes two fingers inside of him, knowing how ainosuke likes it a little rough at first. he thinks of their youth, of how he'd lost himself in ainosuke's eyes, and he searches him out to kiss his tears away again before sealing his mouth to his.
his fingers move, slow and deliberate, and his heart skips a beat when he feels just how wonderfully snug and tight he is, the way his body clings to his slippery fingers when he fucks him, nice and slow. ]
You are the most beautiful creature I've ever set my eyes on. I wanted to keep you with me in that garden forever.
[ There's barely time for Ainosuke to recover. He's still shaking softly in the wake of his peak when Tadashi's fingers slip inside, and push him to breathless cries all over again. They brush that spot within him, and it forces Ainosuke's spine into a hard arch, too sensitive and too responsive to Tadashi's touch, even through the faint ache of his breach.
Some part of him wants to hold onto that pain, wants Tadashi to spare him the mercy and sink directly into him. Once upon a time, he'd craved it -- practically demanded it -- just like that. Because that edge of pain was always what felt comfortable, what he always understood love to be, even with Tadashi touching him so tenderly. And that's all he ever wanted from Tadashi. Love undying, love unconditional, because he'd always been the only spark in this neverending void, and Ainosuke would cling to his light in any way he could.
They were never meant to cause each other this pain. They were never meant to be alone. It wasn't agony or abuse that bound them, all those years ago. It was love, from the moment their eyes met. The kind of love that should have been held gently and tended with a delicate touch. The kind of love that should have bloomed in the sun and flourished in the soft warmth of summer.
Instead, they let it wither. They crushed its petals under careless hands and left it to dry. To die. Nothing but arid wastelands for their souls. And now here is Tadashi. An oasis, kissing life back into their love, flooding Ainosuke's entire being with his devotion. It's like suffocating. It's like breathing. Ainosuke can't decide which from one moment to the next.
He tilts his head to press kiss after kiss to Tadashi's cheek, to his jaw and his throat, then back up again. His thighs shake when he pushes himself hard against Tadashi's fingers, angles himself for more of that overwhelming rush, and breathes soft whimpers into Tadashi's ear when he finds it. ]
[ what a strong word, forever. no one knows the infinite potential of it, no one but tadashi, who looks into ainosuke's eyes and knows that that is what he wants to do, that being with him is everything that he desires in his life. tadashi's breath catches at every warm, soft kiss, the press of roses against his warm skin, and he reaches in deeper, the tips of his fingers brushing up against where he senses the sensitive knot of nerves are.
it's overwhelming, being allowed to do this together with ainosuke again after so long -- his longing and desire almost chokes him, as do the words he never thought he would hear. they were never meant to be apart from each other, even if tadashi's inaction and ainosuke's rage and grief poisoned their bond, it was always unbreakable, and tadashi's love for ainosuke has always been absolute.
it's clearer than ever now and here, when love blossoms between them with every kiss, every touch. he pulls his fingers away now, taking the chance to slick up his own very hard, every slippery cock, yearning to bury itself inside of that tight, familiar clutch of him again.
he can do little to resist that plaintive begging, and he angles himself now, with one hand curled around his hip, the other grasping the base of his dick to gently, slowly push inside of him. he shudders with every inch that stretches ainosuke's tight little hole, and looking down into where his body is taking him in almost drives him mad.
how is it possible to be even more in love with him, recklessly, wonderfully, wretchedly so? he's halfway in when he returns the kiss, nudging him so that he can kiss him squarely on the mouth as he forces him to keep still. he wants to feel this, all of this, until he bottoms out inside him, balls pressed up against the firm globes of his ass. god, he loves his ass so much. ]
[ Even wounded creatures make less of a fuss than Ainosuke does right now.
Perhaps Ainosuke is a wounded creature. If he could think at all, he wouldn't be able to conjure an argument to the contrary. He could even look the part, splayed and twisting over Tadashi's lap like this, hips stuttering as he struggles against the urge to impale himself on this cock he's ached for since he had it last, crying out enraptured agony to the chandelier above them. Is it so different from a doe in the crosshair, a fox amid the hunt? Gasping through shuddering lips, clawing at the back of Tadashi's neck, surrendering himself to oblivion? Is this salvation or damnation he feels?
His head swims, and Ainosuke swears he's falling, like tipping the cliff's edge. A rush, a plunge; and as ever, Tadashi is there to catch him. He feels powerless, he feels limitless. He feels so much, and he's forgotten which way is up, where Tadashi begins and where Ainosuke ends. They're tied, laced, woven. They're one, again, finally.
Stay. Ainosuke whispers through his tears, over and over and over. Through the desperate shower of kisses down Tadashi's throat, through the fangs pressing welts along his jaw, Ainosuke hisses the same hymn: Stay. Tadashi, stay. Please, stay.
Why couldn't these words come, all those years ago? Why couldn't Ainosuke find them then? Why couldn't Tadashi see the quiet plea behind his eyes when Ainosuke was too proud to beg? Why did Ainosuke damn them to that loneliness? Why is he terrified under Tadashi's touch now?
Terrified. More vulnerability, and Ainosuke rebels against it, down to his core. His fingers curl hard into Tadashi's hair, snap his head back to lock their gaze again. To make him look, make him see, make him swear. ]
Tell me.
[ Ainosuke's jaw is tight, voice tighter, weak and needy despite the hard edge of the demand. His stomach shakes when he shifts his hips, body clenched tight around Tadashi's cock as he drags himself to the head and then slams himself back down. ]
[ tadashi gasps, breathless and panting, desperately arching forward to capture his mouth. his hand comes to grasp ainosuke's chin, tipping it upwards so he can steal kisses, counting them as he goes -- two, three, four. tadashi is splitting ainosuke open with every thrust, and he feels so impossibly good, so tight and so slick, like ainosuke's devouring him just like this.
he ruts up into him, baring his throat to ainosuke as he obeys the violence of that tug, reading the blessed desperation in those crimson eyes. ainosuke needs tadashi as much as he needs him, and in this, he's intoxicated. ]
I promise.
[ he breathes, leaning forward to kiss him again, again and again, grinding his hips into him when he bottoms out, ruthlessly pressing against the knot of sensitive nerves that tadashi had once known so intimately, so long ago. they have much to make up for, much to do together, and now is the best place to start. tadashi coaxes him on with a low moan, urging him onwards with every shallow thrust, so deep inside of him. ]
[ Ainosuke has often thought that, from the very first time Tadashi touched him, he made Ainosuke's body strange. He was always without defense, without recourse, and Tadashi's hands twisted him to ruin like they were made to destroy him. His skin felt barren, bereft Tadashi's flesh against it. His body felt hollow, without Tadashi within it. He could try to fill that space with whomever he wished, and they never completed him -- never came close -- because all of him always belonged to Tadashi; all of him, always, was ravaged by this touch.
Even now, his desire is some visceral thing. Shapeless, formless, endless and hungry as the void within him, single-minded and ravenous. Tadashi bottoms out deep and quick, assaults him with the same ruthless precision Ainosuke loves him for. It overwhelms him without warning, floods him, shocks him through and through with each stroke and drowns him in a pleasure that feels endless. Crippling. Harrowing. But in the midst of this madness, Ainosuke can finally find the shape of his desire, firm out the blurry edges and make Tadashi out of its design at last.
Ainosuke's teeth catch hard on the side of Tadashi's neck, and when he obeys -- when he comes again, right on the edge of Tadashi's demand -- Ainosuke tastes blood. It can't be helped. It rips through him, shakes him body and soul, leaves decimation in its wake. Tadashi's throat is all that muffles the cry, and Ainosuke clings to him as he shivers apart. He swears it's all of him, every single piece, that spills out of him now, unravels him even as his body clenches tight and throbs around Tadashi's achingly perfect cock. ]
Come with me, Tadashi. [ Ainosuke gasps, weeps, pleads. ] Come in me.
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it still makes him sick, and the memory of it twists in tadashi's gut as he feels ainosuk's uncertainty, grappling with the different versions of love he presented to him. but tadashi's heart is irrevocably his; it has been his the moment tadashi spotted the young boy peeking over the hedge at him. he feels the roughness of that tuck, the aching pain in his scalp, but he knows that ainosuke's is only operating on what he knows.
there's a storm that roars in the sea of his gaze, but tadashi is the harbour that he will return to, his own calm reflected in the depths of his eyes, and he parts his mouth to kiss him back with a low, approving moan, telegraphing his intent, his need for him in turn. tadashi needs him like a drowning man needs air, and as ainosuke's own defenses fail, tadashi wastes no time flooding his senses, filling his helplessness with his strength, his own passion.
he offers his own heart up in sacrifice but he takes ainosuke's, too, coiling around his heart and squeezing. his hands move now, span down over the muscles of his chest, his abs, down and down to push the rest of his costume off him. he licks into his mouth fiercely, firmly claiming his mouth for another kiss, another, another, pushing the costume down to his thighs.
he's pushing him back onto the carpet, intent on getting the last of that outfit off of him, his hands possessive, roaming, breaking the kiss only to press heated ones down his neck, over his collarbone. he moves above him, caging him down with his own limbs. ]
I need you, Ainosuke-sama. [ he breathes, raw and fierce, finally allowing himself his own agency. they are laying foundations anew, stretching across the ruins of what they were, and tadashi knows it's now or never. he will take his master's bleeding heart inside of his own and tend it. his free hand slips between his legs now, palming his balls, thumbing up the thick root of his cock to reacquaint himself with him. then, again, because he needs to hear it, because tadashi wants to push the memory of his aunts' words out of ainosuke's mind, little by little. after all, serpents are territorial creatures. ] I love you.
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Ainosuke can't help noticing -- for what must be the millionth time -- how utterly, perfectly matched they are. To Ainosuke, love had always been a rose; vanity on the surface and barbs beneath. But Tadashi showed him a gentle love, razed the roses and left his soft chrysanthemums blooming in their stead. And for his own part, Ainosuke has never known exactly how to rectify the two, how to tend something delicate when he only knew pain; Tadashi abandoned him before he ever truly learned how.
And now here they are again, and Ainosuke's faced with the realization that he never idealized anything about their time together. Nothing rose-colored, nothing misremembered. Tadashi's touch is every bit as arresting now as it had been then, pulling Ainosuke apart with every kiss, pushing fire through his veins with each shift of his hands. ]
I love you. [ Ainosuke breathes. ] I love you, Tadashi. I've always...
[ It's like a cage beneath Tadashi, bracketed by his limbs; trapped, and yet exactly where Ainosuke wants to be. It doesn't stop his hands from wandering, intent to lose themselves, slipping beneath Tadashi's shirt to spread over the his back. Even touching him is like electric, a rush straight from his fingertips to the aching hardness in Tadashi's grasp, and--
Ainosuke needs more of it. More skin. He shoves Tadashi back just enough to start peeling him bare; jacket first, shirt next, making such a quick and efficient disposal of Tadashi's clothing. He's working his way through the zipper of Tadashi's pants before he speaks again: ]
Off. Off.
[ It's the best he can manage for a demand -- an order -- through the desperate crush of his lips to Tadashi's temple, his cheek, his jaw; over and over, wherever he can reach. ]
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ainosuke has always loved him, and the truth of it makes him pause, looking up to see if it's true, to search his gaze for confirmation, that he has always loved him, that even through that well-deserved spite and anger, he --
-- his breath catches, and tadashi lets go of him only to make quick work of his jacket, shirt, pants, helping him with it and kicking the rest off, craving to feel his skin against his all over again. this time, he thinks, this time it's different, this encounter charged not with anger and rage but desperation and passion, vulnerability threaded in every movement.
he tosses the last article of his clothing aside with a low groan and cups his face to connect with his lips in a proper kiss, unable to keep a soft noise of heartache, of wonder, of painful, wonderful longing. he's leaning into his touch, and when he breaks the kiss, his hands smooth down the solid length of his body, memorising him for himself all over again.
ainosuke is lovely, charged like a livewire underneath him, and so rarely is tadashi allowed to touch him that he gluts on it, memorising every inch of him anew. he bites gently, tasting him, giving in to everything that the younger man seeks from him. here it is now, the pleasure rediscovered, and he breaks the kiss to trail hungry lips down his neck, his collarbone, his chest, right over his heart. ]
I've missed you. [ he murmurs, low and quiet, fingers rubbing over the divot of his hipbones, possessive and soothing in equal measure. it's bold, the words that he's put between them, but he has, and his kisses betray his longing. he will show him what love is, all over again. he will make his body remember just what it really is, his hands coming to part his thighs firmly, thumbing over the sensitive inside of them as he savours everything that ainosuke is willing to give to him. ] Let me remind you --
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But Tadashi? He's also different, and nothing could have prepared Ainosuke for that realization. With his clothing gone, Ainosuke can appreciate it fully, and Tadashi's body holds him rapt. Where did this come from? Where was he hiding it? He's like a masterpiece chiseled from marble, and Ainosuke's been given leave to touch, to revere, to defile. And he does; his hands are greedy, tracing the sharp cuts of his abs, the softer stretch of his pecs, grasping softly at the rise in his shoulders, and God help him, Ainosuke finally -- fully and truly -- knows madness. He wants to tear Tadashi apart piece by piece, devour him whole, consume his heart and his soul and his love, and carry him forever within. Perhaps Tadashi does too.
They are, after all, ravenous; so much as to trap them on the floor, tangled up on the carpet at the foot of the bed. Tadashi is slipping away from him, down, and Ainosuke can't manage more than to sink a hand through his hair. He could lose himself in this. In the softness of Tadashi's hair, in the gentle push between his legs. Ainosuke's thighs spread eagerly at Tadashi's insistence, welcoming him between, even through a silent plea in Ainosuke's eyes. He wants more; more touch, more kisses, more and more until he drowns in Tadashi and floats away with him together.
And still, there's that instinct; to either flinch away or to lash out. Ainosuke resists it so valiantly, even when he can see it so clearly in his mind. How can this truly be love? How can Tadashi breathe his I love yous without delivering a blow in its wake? How can Ainosuke claim to love him in kind, absent the agony? How can he reconcile one without the other? ]
Show me. [ Ainosuke whispers, and his fingers curl tight into Tadashi's hair. ] Remind me. I want you.
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after all, it is tadashi that had turned away first, putting up the wall between them that ainosuke had kept up out of spite and betrayal and hurt and pain, crumbling in places as the years wore on.
and now, here, this permission is as invigorating as it is intoxicating, as is the way ainosuke opens up to him now, those gorgeous crimson red eyes burning for him. tadashi shares the same madness, the burning, scorching fever of desire that makes him press his mouth to the inside of his thigh, to kiss and lick and gently nip and worship. he doesn't miss how his beloved master opens up so eagerly to him, a veritable feast for the taking.
so take he does, committing every precious inch of him to memory anew -- the last time they had done this was a lifetime ago, and he can't help the thudding of his heart as he nuzzles his cheek against the bob of his long, thick cock, massive when jutting proudly between firmly muscled thighs. he makes his way down, down, nosing against the softness of his plump, full sac, before pressing his tongue to the patch of skin underneath. ainosuke is so very beautiful in this light, magnificent and willing and no longer the young man once tangled in him. he smells like clean musk and light sweat, so very much like him that tadashi finds himself burning for him, relishing those fingers in his hair while he licks his own and seeks him out, a single finger pressing between both those firm cheeks to trace a circle around the tight ring of his hole, gently teasing.
of course, tadashi wastes no time in sealing his intent, his love and adoration on every inch of him. watch now, darling, as tadashi proves that love doesn't come with violence or pain, and all there is is tenderness and affection, bright and unrelenting in deep green eyes. he keeps ainosuke's cock pinned against his lower abdomen, his soft lips taking his balls into his mouth, laving and licking shamelessly, a single saliva-slick finger teasing into his entrance at the same time. he finally gets to do what he's long yearned to do, reclaiming what has been his all along. ainosuke's confession still rings in his ears, making him giddy, but now, first, he wants to please him and make him come, make him understand just how much he's loved.
they've lost so much time, tadashi won't allow him to waste a minute more. ]
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[ Ainosuke feels so much; wants so much. It's been a slow eternity since he's been permitted either. Tadashi's touch is absolute luxury, and Ainosuke swears it's turning his body to gold. It's all there each time Ainosuke closes his eyes, precious gems blooming across his skin like petals beneath Tadashi's fingers. He could make Ainosuke priceless like this; completely spoil him for anyone else, unattainable for those destitute of the fortune behind Tadashi's lips and the wealth of his hot, plying tongue.
There's a touch of madness to Ainosuke already. He can feel it in the way his thighs shake on either side of Tadashi's head, and god that's right-- Ainosuke remembers now. Obscene, the way Tadashi welcomes -- or, perhaps demands -- Ainosuke's balls in his mouth; profane, how Tadashi's already invaded his body with a single digit. And licentious, how it feels as if they've simply picked back up where they left off, and Ainosuke is lost already in his own notions of impropriety. The hand in Tadashi's hair tightens, smoothes, then tightens again, as if it can't decide between violence and decadence.
Tadashi will stay like this, with Ainosuke, for all time. Ainosuke will make sure of it. He'll trap Tadashi inside this gilded cage with him, and even if they never truly know freedom, at least they'll be chained eternally to each other.
Tadashi, Tadashi... A soft hymnal of moans, Ainosuke's voice deep and thick with lust, practically singing Tadashi's name. His lips are suddenly so loose, and his praise so liberal: ]
More, Tadashi... My love, my life, my Tadashi. Give me more...
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here they are, crossing every imaginable line possible, drawing together like they have before, as if the years between them are inconsequential. and perhaps they are, especially when tadashi already knows every inch of his body so intimately. he explores him anew, delighted when he hears his throaty purr for more -- goodness, how it sends him spiraling, how ainosuke's pleasure is his own, how he adores him to no end, that he draws out of him and gently coaxes him onto his hands and knees. ]
I will, I promise.
[ he murmurs, gently trying to coax him over and giving him space. how his words ring so sweetly in his ears; my love, my life, my tadashi. how tadashi would die for him a hundred thousand times over, if only to be with him just like this. he will gladly be twined in a gilded cage with him, chained to his beloved, his sun and stars.
he wants to make ainosuke sing just like this, every single time. ]
Hands and knees, Ainosuke-sama. [ he's more aggressive now, urging him on. he's hungry for him, and he won't be denied. ] Let me give you everything you need.
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But in the end, there's no argument. Ainosuke's driven by something beyond himself, some desperate need to keep Tadashi close -- closer -- to take him inside. To consume him physically, metaphorically, any way he can, and by any means. Ainosuke thought he was past this, above this; untouchable, unshakeable. And now Tadashi's touching him, shaking him, dragging out a starving creature that Ainosuke left to die long ago, and all Ainosuke wants is more.
Under Tadashi's insistence, Ainosuke shifts, turns, and immediately presses himself up against Tadashi. It brings Ainosuke's back to Tadashi's chest, and a subtle tilt of his hips forces Tadashi's cock between the warm cleft of his ass, brushes the most maddening friction against Ainosuke's waiting hole. It begs a quiet whine, and Ainosuke reaches over his shoulder to hook a hand behind Tadashi's neck; holds him close enough that Ainosuke can tip his head back to catch Tadashi's earlobe with his teeth, and pant breathless pleas against his throat. ]
Fuck me, Tadashi. Take me. Make me yours again.
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[ tadashi's words are choked when he feels the other man so cheekily, wonderfully tuck his cock between those firm, soft asscheeks. he's unable to bite back a soft moan before he grips his hip to keep him in place, pre-cum on the plump tip of his cock smearing over soft, smooth skin. he will wreck him tonight, take him apart and build him back again so that ainosuke will forever be marked by tadashi's kisses and touches, the shape of him buried deep inside of his tight, tight hole.
he feels raw, fierce, his heart pounding with every plea from those sugar-sweet lips. he captures his mouth then, passionate and searing, before he pulls away to spit onto his hand, letting it slide down to grip ainosuke's cock tight, stroking him from root to tip. he fucks him slow, snug between his thighs to rub up against his balls. ]
Come for me first. I need to get your tight little hole ready.
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But then his fingers shift, tremble, push up the side of Tadashi's neck and sink into his hair. And in the softness he finds there, he remembers more. Their first-- It was in the garden, tangled together just like this. Night fallen, in an alcove of rose bushes, in the cradle of Tadashi's arms, lips and breath hot on Ainosuke's shoulder, Tadashi's hands beneath his shirt and between his legs. Hadn't they been watching the stars? The Leonids, wasn't it? Then honeyed words, and plush kisses, and heat, heat, heat, burning away all the doubt and the shame, turning their repression to ash, and--
Ainosuke's eyes fly wide when it hits, his cries fill the room, a wounded mantra of Tadashi's name. He doesn't know when his free hand found Tadashi's wrist, but he grips it tight, a ballast to steady him through each paralyzing wave of his pleasure. He shudders through the thick, heavy spill of cum, over his chest and Tadashi's hand, and it's like finding paradise. Like coming home to Eden, finally theirs again, only in Tadashi's arms.
He also doesn't know when he started crying. But he's blinking back tears when he collapses against Tadashi, suddenly bereft every ounce of tension. ]
Our first was like that. [ Ainosuke whispers, breathless, and smoothes his fingers over Tadashi's hair. ] In the roses, Tadashi. Just like that. Do you remember?
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[ tadashi responds, low and husky and weighted with love, with adoration. this is special, between them -- the feeling of ainosuke coming into his hand, the sudden tension that slips away so sweetly, ainosuke clinging to him like he had that fateful night, when tadashi had given all of his heart and soul to him. they were teens, then, in love and terrified and exhilarated, making love to each other amongst the intoxicating scent of blooming roses.
he presses soft kisses against the side of his neck, encouraging him, crooning soft, barely audible words of praise as he slicks his fingers up with his cum, scooping more up to slide over his own cock. it's filthy and intimate, using ainosuke's cum as lube after such a long, long while, preparing to fuck him with just it.
but it is a reunion that has been long in coming, and he gently nips at his throat before he pushes two fingers inside of him, knowing how ainosuke likes it a little rough at first. he thinks of their youth, of how he'd lost himself in ainosuke's eyes, and he searches him out to kiss his tears away again before sealing his mouth to his.
his fingers move, slow and deliberate, and his heart skips a beat when he feels just how wonderfully snug and tight he is, the way his body clings to his slippery fingers when he fucks him, nice and slow. ]
You are the most beautiful creature I've ever set my eyes on. I wanted to keep you with me in that garden forever.
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[ There's barely time for Ainosuke to recover. He's still shaking softly in the wake of his peak when Tadashi's fingers slip inside, and push him to breathless cries all over again. They brush that spot within him, and it forces Ainosuke's spine into a hard arch, too sensitive and too responsive to Tadashi's touch, even through the faint ache of his breach.
Some part of him wants to hold onto that pain, wants Tadashi to spare him the mercy and sink directly into him. Once upon a time, he'd craved it -- practically demanded it -- just like that. Because that edge of pain was always what felt comfortable, what he always understood love to be, even with Tadashi touching him so tenderly. And that's all he ever wanted from Tadashi. Love undying, love unconditional, because he'd always been the only spark in this neverending void, and Ainosuke would cling to his light in any way he could.
They were never meant to cause each other this pain. They were never meant to be alone. It wasn't agony or abuse that bound them, all those years ago. It was love, from the moment their eyes met. The kind of love that should have been held gently and tended with a delicate touch. The kind of love that should have bloomed in the sun and flourished in the soft warmth of summer.
Instead, they let it wither. They crushed its petals under careless hands and left it to dry. To die. Nothing but arid wastelands for their souls. And now here is Tadashi. An oasis, kissing life back into their love, flooding Ainosuke's entire being with his devotion. It's like suffocating. It's like breathing. Ainosuke can't decide which from one moment to the next.
He tilts his head to press kiss after kiss to Tadashi's cheek, to his jaw and his throat, then back up again. His thighs shake when he pushes himself hard against Tadashi's fingers, angles himself for more of that overwhelming rush, and breathes soft whimpers into Tadashi's ear when he finds it. ]
Please, Tadashi. More. I need you inside. Please.
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it's overwhelming, being allowed to do this together with ainosuke again after so long -- his longing and desire almost chokes him, as do the words he never thought he would hear. they were never meant to be apart from each other, even if tadashi's inaction and ainosuke's rage and grief poisoned their bond, it was always unbreakable, and tadashi's love for ainosuke has always been absolute.
it's clearer than ever now and here, when love blossoms between them with every kiss, every touch. he pulls his fingers away now, taking the chance to slick up his own very hard, every slippery cock, yearning to bury itself inside of that tight, familiar clutch of him again.
he can do little to resist that plaintive begging, and he angles himself now, with one hand curled around his hip, the other grasping the base of his dick to gently, slowly push inside of him. he shudders with every inch that stretches ainosuke's tight little hole, and looking down into where his body is taking him in almost drives him mad.
how is it possible to be even more in love with him, recklessly, wonderfully, wretchedly so? he's halfway in when he returns the kiss, nudging him so that he can kiss him squarely on the mouth as he forces him to keep still. he wants to feel this, all of this, until he bottoms out inside him, balls pressed up against the firm globes of his ass. god, he loves his ass so much. ]
Ainosuke-sama --
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Perhaps Ainosuke is a wounded creature. If he could think at all, he wouldn't be able to conjure an argument to the contrary. He could even look the part, splayed and twisting over Tadashi's lap like this, hips stuttering as he struggles against the urge to impale himself on this cock he's ached for since he had it last, crying out enraptured agony to the chandelier above them. Is it so different from a doe in the crosshair, a fox amid the hunt? Gasping through shuddering lips, clawing at the back of Tadashi's neck, surrendering himself to oblivion? Is this salvation or damnation he feels?
His head swims, and Ainosuke swears he's falling, like tipping the cliff's edge. A rush, a plunge; and as ever, Tadashi is there to catch him. He feels powerless, he feels limitless. He feels so much, and he's forgotten which way is up, where Tadashi begins and where Ainosuke ends. They're tied, laced, woven. They're one, again, finally.
Stay. Ainosuke whispers through his tears, over and over and over. Through the desperate shower of kisses down Tadashi's throat, through the fangs pressing welts along his jaw, Ainosuke hisses the same hymn: Stay. Tadashi, stay. Please, stay.
Why couldn't these words come, all those years ago? Why couldn't Ainosuke find them then? Why couldn't Tadashi see the quiet plea behind his eyes when Ainosuke was too proud to beg? Why did Ainosuke damn them to that loneliness? Why is he terrified under Tadashi's touch now?
Terrified. More vulnerability, and Ainosuke rebels against it, down to his core. His fingers curl hard into Tadashi's hair, snap his head back to lock their gaze again. To make him look, make him see, make him swear. ]
Tell me.
[ Ainosuke's jaw is tight, voice tighter, weak and needy despite the hard edge of the demand. His stomach shakes when he shifts his hips, body clenched tight around Tadashi's cock as he drags himself to the head and then slams himself back down. ]
Promise me. Stay.
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he ruts up into him, baring his throat to ainosuke as he obeys the violence of that tug, reading the blessed desperation in those crimson eyes. ainosuke needs tadashi as much as he needs him, and in this, he's intoxicated. ]
I promise.
[ he breathes, leaning forward to kiss him again, again and again, grinding his hips into him when he bottoms out, ruthlessly pressing against the knot of sensitive nerves that tadashi had once known so intimately, so long ago. they have much to make up for, much to do together, and now is the best place to start. tadashi coaxes him on with a low moan, urging him onwards with every shallow thrust, so deep inside of him. ]
I'll stay -- come for me --
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Even now, his desire is some visceral thing. Shapeless, formless, endless and hungry as the void within him, single-minded and ravenous. Tadashi bottoms out deep and quick, assaults him with the same ruthless precision Ainosuke loves him for. It overwhelms him without warning, floods him, shocks him through and through with each stroke and drowns him in a pleasure that feels endless. Crippling. Harrowing. But in the midst of this madness, Ainosuke can finally find the shape of his desire, firm out the blurry edges and make Tadashi out of its design at last.
Ainosuke's teeth catch hard on the side of Tadashi's neck, and when he obeys -- when he comes again, right on the edge of Tadashi's demand -- Ainosuke tastes blood. It can't be helped. It rips through him, shakes him body and soul, leaves decimation in its wake. Tadashi's throat is all that muffles the cry, and Ainosuke clings to him as he shivers apart. He swears it's all of him, every single piece, that spills out of him now, unravels him even as his body clenches tight and throbs around Tadashi's achingly perfect cock. ]
Come with me, Tadashi. [ Ainosuke gasps, weeps, pleads. ] Come in me.